Sunday, April 26, 2009

KL Book Fair and Linguaphone

Crowded. Not worth my time coming there. Many people came here and most of them were school children. As I rode the escalator, I overheard someone talking that they need to get a booth near to the entrance door. Easy to attract customers and money will flow. One of them said that it is difficult to get booth near the entrance because everybody want it. The other guy said “if I were you, I can get the booth just like that. You people pikir macam ni, macam mana nak jadi.” I do not why they were able to talk business so loud in front of public. I consider this as unprofessional. To me, loss and profit of your business shouldn’t be discussed where there are too many people. Probably today is the last day of the book fair and business is not going well. They were so frustrated that they wanted to express it to everyone.

We were at the wrong floor. We went down and separated. I was looking for language course which I know it is somewhere in that building. Usually they have language course such as Linguaphone at the Book Fair. I want to learn Mandarin which will help me in becoming bilingual and useful for me (Actually I am jealous of my brother who can speak Mandarin and he is improving). I found the Linguaphone booth and one of the promoters approached me. She asked me whether I want to improve my English. I said no but looking for Mandarin course. The girl was surprised. She still persuaded me to learn English but I rejected her offer. She asked me to sit down inside the booth and we had this conference. She explained to me about the course and the payment. When she told me about the price, I was fucking shock. The program came with CDs, textbook and so on was RM 2878 after discount. You can pay every month. You can get the language kit on the spot if you pay RM 50 and pay the rest every month. When I heard the price, I was ready to leave the premise. But I had to stay cool. Need to act a bit. I told that girl I am going to discuss with my parent first. I cannot make a decision right now. Then, a guy came to our table. I guessed he overheard our discussion and know I am about to leave. He tried to persuade me to buy the kit and tried poking with my pride that I am old enough to make decision myself. He also recommended me to buy the English language kit. I told him I do not need it. He asked where I am studying right know. I told him. He said that university students have a lot of problem with English language and English is important. I was so frustrated and annoyed that I began to speak English with them.

Listen here. I don’t want this English language tool kit. Right now I am taking TESL course. I am going to be English teacher soon. What on Earth do I need English language tool kit if I am learning English and learning how to teach English language to my students? What I want right now is to learn Mandarin. If I want to improve my English, I better go to British Council.

Everybody was fucking shock. So I continued.

Now, you said that I can make my own decision. Yes, you are right. I can make my own decision. However, the problem is my parent is going to sponsor for my language course. I need to discuss with them. They want to know what best for their son. If I make a wrong move, I am dead.

The guy could not say anything. They thought I was stupid Malay, who could not speak English very well due to my clothes and using Malay language when conversed with them. My clothes were very sempoi. Even my brother scolded me many time about my clothes. I remember he said “You are university student, you are a thinker and you are going to become a teacher. Wear proper clothes, PLEEEASE!”

I like to wear like this. It creates an illusion. I like seeing other people faces when I show them the real me. Hehehe. I told the girl that I need to leave and discuss with my parent. So, I left the booth and looked for my mom. I told them about the Linguaphone and they thought it is a scam and that the language kit cost more than a thousand. Back home, I look in the internet on learning Mandarin. Accidentally, I found a website on French language. The best part is, you can download mp3 for pronunciation. How helpful the Internet is.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

No Place to Practice

There is no space to do it. If I want to practice Wing Chun, I don’t want people to look at me. It is embarrassing. The kicking part is hard. Need to balance some more. My butt is heavy. Huhuhuhu. Where is my Dawn of War CD?

Discard Your Ego For Your Love One

There are always up and down in a relationship especially in boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Arguments, misunderstanding, treatments and even small stuffs (women are very particular in these tiny details) can cause downfall and predicament in a relationship. However, one thing that I learnt from my relationship based on the conflict that I had with my partner is that you need to lower your ego. Most quarrel that other couple has is they unwilling to lower their ego and both of them think they are right. They will argue for a long time over a matter that can be considered relevant and irrelevant. To me, conflict is important. It teaches us how to be a good listener, mature in handling conflict, understand your partner and become a better person.

I believe that when you scold and make her angry, you just make her turn on her defense mode. She will never try to listen on what you are saying. Instead, she will fight back and try to win, not solving the conflict. This is because, I believe, that you just make her feel embarrass and you hit her pride. I think the best way to solve it is by lowering your ego. You need to let go of your pride and listen to what she has to say. Let her release her anger and dissatisfaction toward you. From here, you know what she is thinking and expect from you. After she has finish, I think you should apologies to her whether you are wrong or right. Then, you tell her what you think about that situation. She needs to know what you think. You can analyse whether her dissatisfaction is rationale or not and both can resolve the problem. For this part here when solving the problem, you definitely need to switch off your ego. The problem would not solve if you are not freeing yourself from your ego. I hope the girl also does the same thing. I would not say that what I am telling you here is an approach on how solve problem with your partner. The most important thing is to discard your ego and try to accept our and our partner’s weaknesses and strengths and become a better person for each other. I do not know why I want to post this kind of topic in my blog. Something is wrong with my head. Probably writing like this is like a therapy.

No Expectation. Live Freely

Everybody has certain expectation about certain things in their life. However, I prefer not to have any expectation. I have this kind of thinking or belief after reflecting my life since birth and came to a conclusion after the theatre production. Why is it that when I expect that certain thing that I do will be great turn out something that bad and when I never expect any outcome from the thing that I do whether it is good or bad turn out something meaningful and significant to me. That when I realize the evil of expectation.
When you have expectations, you have fixed ideas of how things should be that you are attached to. Expectation creates fear because you think what you desire may or may not happen. Free of expectations, you can just go with the flow of the universe and not be affected by the outcomes that you encounter. Every outcome can serve to move you towards greater realization of your desires.
When you are attached to an outcome, you expect things to happen at a certain time in a certain way. But when it does not happen at the expected time or in the expected manner, then what results is a feeling of fear. Having expectations about how your desires should manifest will produce negative feelings when your expectations are not met. That is why it is better to act on your intention without expectations about the when and how it manifests.
Fear, doubt and worry are the last things you want to experience in the process of manifesting desires. That is why the best way to create what you want is through detachment. Act on your desires with a detached involvement. You do what you are guided to do by your heart but you do not judge the rightness of your actions by the results that you get. As long as your actions are based on purpose, you have done what you were meant to do regardless of what seems to happen from it.
When the universe is in the process of working things out for the realization of your intention, there might be things that happen which make it seem as though things are not working out. It is your expectation of how things should happen that makes you think that things are not working out. But actually you are not seeing the whole picture, because what you are seeing is only a piece of the larger scheme of events where everything is really working out the way it should.
Many times we feel discouraged when things are not happening the way we want them to happen. We might even lose hope thinking that it’s not meant to be, and even give up pursuing it altogether because our actions are in vain. But we do not realize that we are right in the process of it all coming to pass, and we turn away when we are closer than we ever were before. Let go of expectations so that you can surrender to the process and let the outcome fall in place in the right way at the right time.
When we do not know how things will really turn out, we have to trust. There is no need for hope when we already know how the outcome will be like. Hope is confident expectation of good. The only expectation you need is the expectation that everything is happening for good and not evil in your life. You can expect good no matter what the outcome seems to be.
The best way to live life is to be like a little child, having no cares and expectations. You are just doing what brings you joy and expressing yourself fearlessly in every moment. You completely accept yourself and whatever is happening without judgment. You are trusting that you are always provided for and there is nothing that is stopping you from attaining all that you truly desire. You are free to live fully in the moment without worrying about the future.
Live with an attitude of no expectations and you will experience more freedom than you can imagine. Failure does not stop you anymore because it doesn’t exist in your perception. You can keep doing what you believe in simply because you are not expecting a particular outcome but you are just expressing the truth that is in you. You are able to let go of anything negative and nothing holds you back from going on in the direction of your desires.
When you hold no expectations, you are committing the outcome. You can always experience much more from a place of no expectations than from having expectations because the universe is able to do above and beyond all that you can ask and even think of. Leave the outcome in the hands of the universe, while you continue acting on your desires. Surrender to the process and know that good things come to you when you least expect them.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Me, Oedipus and Icarus

I learn an important theme or message when I studied Oedipus Rex and that is to accept any predicament, changes and fate in our life and continue living. Although Oedipus is portrayed as ignorant and rage character, he became like that due to his eagerness to escape from his fate. I think everybody will do the same thing if their in the same position. But one thing that we can learn from Oedipus is to accept it. It is not his fault that he was abandoned, murdered his father and fuck his mother. It is already planned by God. So, if any predicament or you are facing certain downfall, just say ‘Shit happen’. If you a bold enough, you can pin point to the LORD. Because you cannot control your destiny. The Almighty control you. You can plan but you cannot go against with the LORD. So why bother of planning and running? Just enjoy life. Be Icarus, make mistake and died happily (I guess he dies happily). Even though his father cry and regret of building the wing, I assume deep down in Icarus heart and mind he would say, ‘That was fun. Let do it again.’ Who give a fuck what other people say? We, human, should make mistake. That how we learn to improve ourselves and become a better being. Nobody is perfect.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Novelty in Life

I need a novelty in my life. Every day is the same old routine of downloading anime, manga and video from internet that I feel how boring, dull and insignificant my life is. I need something that is challenging. Something that I can be proud of accomplishes. Well, luckily I just complete downloaded all the video on Wing Chun lesson that I can learn and train by myself. I am going to give these videos to Kei and hopefully in IPTI we could train together. But still, I need something new. Something that can improve my ability as a human being. Something that can make me realize how important my existent and life is. Well, I have Nina. So, I do have something to protect and care for that will make my existent more important. I have something worth living and Nina, my family and my passion are one of them.