Monday, November 2, 2009

Don't worry, Be Happy

During the test I don’t know what I wrote
Even though I studied from note to note
Don’t worry be happy
Got pink form you know it trouble
Got a call from HEP you make it double
Don't worry, be happy

You study until you crack your head
There are books and notes beside your bed
Don't worry, be happy
You completed your assignment very late
Its quality is very bad
Don't worry, be happy
Look at me I am happy
Here I give you my phone number
When you worry call me
I make you happy
don’t worry, be happy
You didn’t do well in your test
Even though you studied hard and tried your best
But don't worry be happy
Because when you worry
your face will frown
and that will bring everybody down
so don't worry, be happy (now).....

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Sitting On The Edge

The ray of sun touches my face
The moment is so beautiful that I wish I could save
The sun emerges with a slow pace
A comfortable warm that I sense on my face

A calm wind blew pass my body
The wind’s movement, I wish I could see
Smooth as silk the wind’s texture
This feeling install me for an adventure.

Friday, October 2, 2009


Sinking in the sea of pain
Illness that i gain
Clenching myself to stand this unbearable pain
Keeping myself alive, the situation i am in.


Friday, July 31, 2009

Stop and Listen

Papa: So, how is Nina?
Me: what? Oh… ok. Both of us are fine.
Papa: Argue x?
Me: Normal lah pa org berkapel.
Papa: Hahaha. Skng?
Me: x argue pun. Biasa je.
Papa: ala, mama and papa pun argue juga. Tapi papa x melawan. Papa dengar je and malas nak membebel. Biar mama je marah. Bagi dia luahkan ape yg dia x puas ati, kita dengar, cuba paham dia and pujuk dia.
Me: Ahh, pa. I think you don’t need to tell me that.
Papa: eh, why?
Me: I got that from you.
Papa: ohh! Ok. Do you need to know anything?
Me: errmmmm…… sex?
Papa: ...............gatal.

Well, everybody experience conflicts between their loved one sometimes. It is how we handle it give different result. My relationship with Nina teaches me valuable lessons: lower your ego, the power of listening and don’t resist. I learn that if you try to argue with your love, try to prove you are right and don’t even try to listen what she is saying, it only cause blunder. It will not solve anything. Good things about conflict with your loved one is that you understand your partner and yourself even more and you become mature in life if you handle carefully. Most women not really want their man to solve the problem, but they actually want their man to listen or understand what they have been through. They want a listener. What I have learned from this relationship is to learn to listen to your partner in an open, nondefensive way. Give your partner space for expressing herself. Be present. Accusing, defending and attacking will only strengthen your ego and only provoke your loved one. It will not solve anything. It is better for man not to attack their woman. Just try to listen. Analyse the situation, remove your emotion.
I’m not sure whether I have become mature from this relationship. I wish I am.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Identification with Your Mind

3 months ago, I came across this book. The title of the book is ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle. It was shown in Oprah Show and this book has become an international bestseller. It is a guide to spiritual enlightment (it is not creating a new religion, trust me) but what fascinated me is that he said a lot of conflict, war and other predicaments are cause by our mind. In other words, identification with your mind. This what Eckhart Tolle says.
“Identification with your mind, which causes thought to become compulsive. Not to be able to stop thinking is a dreadful affliction, but we don’t realize this because almost everybody is suffering from it, so it is considered normal. This incessant mental noise prevents you from finding that realm of inner stillness that is inseparable from Being. It also creates a false mind-made self that casts a shadow of fear and suffering.
The philosopher Descartes believed that he had found the most fundamental truth when he made his famous statement: “I think, therefore I am.” He had, in fact, given expression to the most basic error: to equate thinking with being and identify with thinking. The compulsive thinker, which means almost everyone, lives in a state of apparent separateness, in an insanely complex world of continuous problems and conflict, a world that reflects the ever-increasing fragmentation of the mind. Enlightment is a state of wholeness, of being “at one” and therefore at peace. At one with life in its manifested aspect, the world, as well as with your deepest self and life unmanifested – at one with Being. Enlightment is not only the end of suffering and of continuous conflict within and without, but also the end of the dreadful enslavement to incessant thinking. What an incredible liberation this is.
Identification with your mind creates an opaque screen of concepts, labels, images, words, judgments and definitions that blocks all true relationship. It comes between you and yourself, between you and your fellow man and woman, between you and nature, between you and God. It is this screen of thought that creates the illusion of separateness, the illusion that there is you and a totally separate “other”. You then forget the essential fact that, underneath the level of physical appearances and separate forms, you are one with all that is. By ‘forget’, I mean that you no longer feel this oneness as self-evident reality. You may believe it to be true, but you no longer know it to be true. A belief may be comforting. Only through your own experience, however, does it become liberating.
I am not sure whether this book is kind of atheist or spiritual book.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

6 Years

We are going back to maktab
The authorities there are so faktab
It is like living in a lock up
You see Baharum you better shut up
Before his ignorant and anger lit up
Very early you have to wake up
Before kuliah, you need to do a warm up
1.30pm, time up
Other students really like to suck up
Some of the pegawai, hanya pandai cakap
Decision making, they all mess up
This course, I can’t wait to finish up

One more year and then I’m out
Make a name and go all out
6 years of studying
Can make your life boring
But UPM’s life is novelty
Knowledge and experience
that you can cherish sampai mati
From theatre,
you create a new and know your friends,
And sometimes,
it makes you lost a friend,
But lucky me,
I met my lover,
And I never regret meeting her
I began to study and like literature
Because of Dr Edwin’s lecture.
Lucky us, we studied under him
If not, my teaching life turns dim.

6 years of studying
Can make your kepala pening
But these 6 years
of knowledge and experience that you have
Is one of the important things
that you ever have
It shapes your mind
your personality
throughout these years
Based on the events,
and knowledge
during these 6 years

Friday, June 26, 2009

Goodbye James

To tell you the truth, I’m not that very enthusiastic to go to Singapore anyway. If you read my earlier post about Singapore, it was too sudden and I wasn’t prepared for it. Plus, James was a bit pushy and even called my dad to ask (or force) me to go. And then, something unthinkable happened. After got back from Brunei, I called him about our trip to Singapore. What surprised me was that he actually changed our schedule. Just because he knows that I’m going to drive there, he actually changed plan. My parents’ face changed. They thought that he already planned when to go. The next day, I called him again to confirm when to go. I hate when they plan something at the last minute.

I just got back from West Malaysia and still tired from the trip. Dead tired. He said not sure. Probably Thursday, probably Friday. I begin to hate this guy. He is like using me. My parent got irritated as well. I told him that ‘you better confirm James. Because I’m going back to JB next week. There are a lot of things to do.’ He said Friday then we go. Ok. Confirm. Friday we go. The end. I informed my parent about it.

The next day, he sms me this.

Hi shah! Or should I say Mr. Strauss. Because there is a chance we could leave this Thursday afternoon for Singapore. You can look forward to more Singapore. You can look forward to more time there to browse. You could pack your stuff and be on stand-by this Thursday, couldn’t you?

He just spoiled every plan that my mom and I already planned to do. I asked him to really confirm it because this is too sudden. If my parent hears this, they will definitely piss off.

He sms this to me.

Alright. I will know Thursday morning if all systems, so please pack your bag etc. by then, I really hope to be there by Thursday.

I felt like being used. I feel like a driver to him. I thought James already schedule everything. I told my mom about this and her face changed. She said don’t confirm with James about the trip yet. Discuss with my dad. So, I called him. Told him everything. His tone changed.

He said,

‘Tell James that you are not going there by car. Ask him to book bus tickets to go to Singapore. Sometimes, you need to teach him a lesson. You are not his cabby. That is my final decision.’

‘Pa, don’t you think this is soo last minute?’

‘Xpe, jangan risau. Kata papa cakap macam tu.’

Fyi, my parent never like James. I respect him for his intelligence. But when you become that intelligence, you can be a little bit bossy; you are always thinking you are right and demanding. (Errm, This reminds me of someone). The only reason why we stick with him is because of Kak Yasmeen. A Malay woman who is very humble and kind. I respect her. The only Malay woman that the Mont Blanc company in Singapore respect.

I called James about going by bus. He pissed. He asked why. I said I don’t know. I added that my dad wasn’t confidence with me of driving suddenly. He said this is too last minute and blablalalala. I said that he better called my dad about this. Silence surrounds us. And then, he hung up. A few minutes later, I received a sms.

Shah I am going to Corus hotel tomorrow morning to check whether there are bus tickets TO Singapore and FROM Singapore for return trip. If there are then it will be RM 80 one way. We can get return ticket in Singapore. If there are still tickets. I will pay first for you.

Now, we learn literature, right? Why does the author or writer uses capital letter in their writing? Anyone? Now, look at James sms. He used capital letter on TO and FROM. Capital letter can be used as to stress something important, make someone notice, the sense of urgency or difficulty (I guess). But why James capitalized TO and FROM? Probably he wants to tell me that we are going to Singapore and going back from Singapore. Or, probably to show that it is going to be hard for us to find bus tickets and dreadful To go to Singapore and going back FROM Singapore by bus. Well, this is like literature. Give me your interpretation.

Another thing I want to discuss about this sms is that he told me that he will cover all my expenses which are accommodation, food and transportation. But why suddenly he said “I will pay first for you.” Probably he forgot that he supposes to pay or he just so angry that he tried to make me felt guilty because I owe him. Maybe. Or probably it just in my head. However, one thing that is certain, he is scared of my dad. He hung up after I said ‘try to call my dad’.

5 minutes later, he sent me another sms.

James : Ok. What made him lose confidence in you suddenly?

I said I don’t know. “You better ask my dad. It was his decision”

James : I will. I hope you did not knock down a cat or something. I asked him repeatedly when almost buying air Asia tickets if he really wanted you to drive and he said yes because you need the experience (since you have to drive to JB for school too). I can even get my friend in JB to drive us but this too last minute. And I just found out Yasmeens brother bought the parking coupons for your car already. (Actually, I don’t. I’m used to driving back and forth JB-KL)

I just said sorry and added ‘well, shit happen.”

He sent me another sms.

Shit happens accidently, not decisively. Really if I can’t get a ticket tomorrow I need you to drive. Personally, do YOU WANT TO drive and are YOU CONFIDENT?

I sent him this.

I can drive n ok with it. The idea of me drivin was from my dad. That why u better ask him. It was his idea.

James last sms with me and probably ever.

It’s alright. Don’t worry about it. Let’s see what troubling his conscience. Maybe as a father he is worried about your independent capability because unlike Shafiq who is already working, he feels you are still untested yet and naïve. It is natural. It’s possible he could not say this to me so as not to disrespect you. I can understand. Keeping to his word means nothing compared to making a wrong decision by letting you risk something on your own. And I know how you feel too. It’s never easy growing up with doting protective parents. You get pampered and stifled too. I was once a child too. It can be embarrassing at times in front of more independent friends but parents are human too and they can make mistakes too. Though not everybody can understand or accept it, especially outsiders. We just need to keep on learning with each experience, whether its family or friends. As Steve chandler said, ‘the idea is not to let the mistake be repeated twice.’ So, take it easy and hope we get bus tickets. I spent RM 200 just today calling Singapore to arrange to go there fast.

It seems he wanted me to rebel with my parent by referring me as untested and naïve and comparing me with my brother. I not sure whether shafiq is more independent than me and so on, I know that both of us never compare ourselves with each other. Even my parent. Protective and dotty? My Parent? Hell no. I showed this sms to Shafiq and he was so pissed. Even called James ‘A Bitch’. I said to him ‘No, bastard. Because he is a guy.” “No, he is a bitch. Main sedap dia je cakap macam 2. Dia tu tau sgt ke family kita. Dia sendiri xnk ada ank. Ape yang dia tau.” Whoa. That is harsh. Oh well. I’m glad that I didn’t go to Singapore. That night, my mom called my dad that she does not allowed me to go to Singapore because James using me. Actually, I asked her to do that. I’m tired from the previous trip and felt like being used. My dad said ok. He called James. But before that, I told him about the sms. He just kept quiet and slowly grabbed his hand phone and type something that he would not let me see. After that, James hasn’t sms me since. Case close.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


My love : Larat x? Bgslah 2. Jauh perjlnn, luas penglaman.
Me : Syg, bkn ke jauh perjlnn, luas pandangan ke?
My love : Dua2 pn leh pakai lh. Eii, cubit kang.

Ladies and gentlemen, I just got back from Brunei and Sarawak. Yeahhhhhhh. After the trips, I have discovered a new hobby; travelling. Based on the sms’s conversation that I had between my love and I when I was in West Malaysia, both of them are true. When you travel, your views about the world are widened and you gain a lot of experience, knowledge, language and skill if you have the chance. I was fortunate to have this kind of opportunity and to tell you the truth, this is an expensive hobby. The process of travelling has it up and down (dealing with people who close with us and locals), but the result, PRICELESS!!! I wish in the future, I am able to go travelling or back packing with Nina when we have the capital and time to do it. If possible, go outside Malaysia. I think it is important for us to travel. I remember when we went to Malacca and I asked Mr. Tham, ‘Is it necessary for an artist to travel?’ He said yes and this is because to widen his views, in gaining idea and look at the world differently if I recalled it correctly. But to me, everyone should travel. Whether you are an artist or not, everyone should. Karim Raslan wrote a lot of articles about politics, art, society and economy when he travels and share it with public. Dr. Edwin also encouraged us to travel. I have many things to say about my recent trips but I am so exhausted and I definitely need a rest. (I haven’t been sleeping well actually). On 26th June, I will be going to Singapore and probably be back on 29th June. So, wish me luck.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Suggestion To My Friends.

Well, we are going back to maktab and there will be no Dr. Edwin class to learn literature, but that doesn’t mean we cannot learn and discuss literature among ourselves. We can still do it. Even after graduate. We are going to become an English teacher and literature is one of the subjects that we should master.
So, my suggestion is, if you have something that is considered literature and meaningful to discuss whether it is a poem, picture, song, speech, whatever, post it in your blog or you create your own blog just to discuss the thing that is literature and worth discussing. In your post, you can give your comment or interpretation of the material that you present and other people can critic and give their opinion about it. It is something like the forum that we did with Dr. Edwin. (I miss him so much. Can I do another project paper?)
I think it is quite helpful because it is not just to practice or train ourselves to become critical thinker and appreciate literature, but it is also help us in getting the material that is suitable to teach to our students. Plus, we can still contact each other through blogging even after graduate and discuss how we are going to teach our students through the use of the material that we present in our blog. If you want too. We are going to become a new breed of teachers. Right, Amanda, Kei? I think this is one small step for B.Ed Tesl Cohort 3 in becoming a new generation of teacher that surpass the old, mediocre, traditional and boring teachers. We will show maktab and Malaysian who we are. We are the unsung heroes.
Below is my blog address for this literature discussion. I use my previous blog from Dr. Edwin coursework. It will be a waste if leave your blog unattended.
So, good luck and please inform me your blog address if you want me to give my point of view. If you want to discuss it in the same blog, that is fine. Bye. Peace and Prosper to mankind.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

To save one life is as if you have saved the world

Yesterday, I was reading back all my posts and what I had posted from my ally blogs. Then, I came across atie’s blog. I read all the posts again and I stumbled on the response that I gave to her which stated “Changing someone life for better are more meaningful than curing a disease. You can cure many patients but people will end up dead in the end. People will die anyway.” Suddenly it hit me. The reasons why I gave those statements are because I want to cheer up atie and the people expectation about teacher. It seems people nowadays have a bad perception about teacher. I probably say this because I am going to be a teacher soon and try to defend myself, but people nowadays measure their success based on their position, financial and their possessions. For example, like engineer, doctor and businessman. Their success is measure by how much money they are making, their skill in curing disease and their creation.
People have bad impression toward teacher (some of them actually) because they have a fixed salary and teaching is considered like a low or middle type of profession by most people. Their works are not measured by how much money they are making, their position or rank and how many inventions that they create. They are measured by how many people or students that they have enlightened to become a better person. Still, they continue their duty with fix salary. People nowadays value their works or success through inanimate things; money, fame and rank. They seldom value their effort based on the change that they have contribute to society. They value it mostly on what they have.
Even though you have a lot of money, it will not help you if you are dead. (Unless you want to use it to bury yourself at Nirvana). Although you cure many people, people will end up dead in the end. Death is the only disease that cannot be cure. How many infrastructures or magnificent building that you build, it would not stay there forever. One day it will collapse, terrorist attack, natural disaster and so on. It will be destroyed and worth nothing anyway when Kiamat comes and destroys it (Apocalypse, Judgment Day, and The Hour). But one thing that is considered meaningful even greater is a good deed. What is a good deed? To do good thing? Yeah. That is a simple explanation. But to me, a good deed is when you change someone life for a better. What kind of occupation that more suitable or close to that? Teacher. Why? Because they change people. From ignorant and naïve, teacher teaches or imparts knowledge and shapes the mind of their students. They enlighten them, changing them to become better person.
Changing someone life for better is like saving someone life in my opinion. This reminds me of a quote in the Tahmud from the Jewish holy book. “To save one life is as if you have saved the world.” I know this quote from the movie ‘Schindler’s List’. Although his real intention was to profit from using Jews as a labor, Schindler unintentionally saved many Jewish (I am not saying I am Semantic sympathizer or anything). When the WW2 was over and Schindler was asked to go trial or he maybe he want to escape (I think), the Schindler’s Jews gave him a ring with a writing on it ‘To save one life is as if you have saved the world’. He began to cry. Then, he said that he could sell the house and save 10 more people. He could sell his house and save 10 more people and so on. He began to shed tremendous tears because he believed that he can save more lives.
In my opinion, teacher saves life. How? By transforming uncivilized and ignorant human being, into a thinker, civilized, well-mannered, intellectual human being. Able to think in improving themselves, question and discover knowledge and benefit it to the society. Teacher saves lost soul from the realm of darkness to realm of light. Giving a hand to escape from the pit of hell. Teacher is members of the Illuminati (The Enlighten). I think I am exaggerating. I have just created a hyperbole.
Well, whatever it is, the teacher duty to enlighten people is considered as saving life. Even though you can’t enlighten or change many people, but to change a few, you have created a new world for them. A better world. What the teacher does is considered a good deed. And this good deed, not just be meaningful in this world, but it will be accounted for in the afterlife.
Now, most of you people who read my blog are those who studying with me. And you guys are definitely depressed because we are going back to maktab. I am also depressed. One more year, guys. One more year. But I think we all are going to be more depressed when we begin teaching. Students, parents, administration, time management, social problems, financial and family. Those are the things that we are going to encounter. Whatever the predicaments that you face when teaching them, always think that you are trying to save a life. The students are a lost soul who is seeking to be rescued. You are their savior. Prophet. It is going to be one hell of experience when we become a teacher. But your effort to change their lives, is bigger than life. Whether you get post somewhere that is not your comfort zone, just think of this. You are trying to get your students out from the ghetto. You are their Messiah.
Well, before I end my exaggerate post, I want to show you guys something that can ease your mind about maktab and our future. This is from one of Dr Edwin students related to “My Favourite Teacher’s Day SMS for 2009” in Dr. Edwin blog which this student gave him this.
3 people die and want to go to heaven. God stood at the gate, told only 1 can go in, 2 go to hell.
1st:I’m a priest, I ask people to worship god. OUT
2nd:I’m a doctor, I save lives. OUT
3rd: I’m teacher.
Heaven’s door opened. Teacher got shocked.
God: Don’t say anything my child! You were in hell for many years!
Happy Teacher’s Day!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

MAXIS: MAXimize Individual Spending.

I just converted my postpaid from maxis to celcom postpaid today. To keep my number, I became the Maxis user for more than 2 years and before that I have facing many problems with them, I can't do anything with that because to keep my number. Now, is the time! We can maintain number and change the provider. I had bad experiences with maxis when I began using it. A lot of hidden charges and the bill sometimes exaggerated. Based on my experiences with maxis, maxis service is deteriorating as we speak, cannot receive calls, cannot make calls; all calls will be forward into the mailbox instead of the phone. Before I use maxis, I used celcom. During that time, celcom has good customer service, good service and so far no problem with continuation with the lines. Since it's connected with Telekom Malaysia, it has a wider reception and coverage compared to other service providers. The rates are also reasonable and the T&C are not so hidden. Unlike other service provider, especially maxis, they don't put the T&C in newspaper ads which makes it sound like the offer or rates are so cheap, but, there are hidden charges or tying issues you must face behind the scenes. I am taking the Executive 50 Plan which you pay RM 50 a month. If you use more than RM 50, you still get a discount. 15 sen per minute and 12 sen per sms to any network. I think that okay. To reduce my family misery, I also took the 1+5 plan which allows my dad and Shafiq to pay only RM 5 a month when they call or sms me. So, my father, Shafiq and I now have two hand phone numbers and two hand phones each. The different is, both of my phone numbers are Celcom. One for Nina and the other for my family and general. But recently, celcom customer service has become a little bit inefficient. This had happened to Nina but I wish not to discuss it.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Visiting the Land of Pretending Lion

Where is this ‘the Land of Pretending Lion’? Can you guess? We always hear about the ‘Land of the Rising Sun’ which is Japan due to its geographical location. But where is the Land of Pretending Lion? Is it a place where there are a lot of lions and know how to act or pretend? Or is it a circus where you can see the lion act as if it is a human, monkey or very good actor? Hmmm. Let translates it to Bahasa Malaysia. Lion means Singa in BM and pretending means pura or berpura-pura in BM. And together, when we combine them, it becomes Singapura or Singa Berpura-Pura. Hehehe. Know where is it? It is a small island south of Malaysia where they keep all the lions that can act or pretend. Hahaha. Just kidding. It is a country that Malaysia government still pissed after Singapore separated from Malaysia. Still under each other throats.
I had shocking news early this morning. I am going to Singapore or Singapura. I was just about to go jogging and suddenly stumbled with my dad. He looked at me and said ‘James ajak Aji gi Singapore. Aji pegi tau. Enjoy’. Just like that. And then he went off to work. I was speechless. I couldn’t say a word. What a strange father I have. I looked at my mom and said what is going on. She told me that yesterday James asked my dad that he wanted to bring my brother and me to Singapore on 26th June to 28th June. To me, this is too sudden. A chance to visit another country? Yes. Too sudden? Yes. Plus, after coming back from Singapore, I am going back to JB. What is going on? It is very sad for my brother that he could not make it for the trip. He has to work on those days. So, it is going to be me, James and Kak Yasmeen who will be going. My mom told me that James will book a ticket for me for the trip. Air Asia baby.
I wasn’t planning to go anyway except go to Miri on 16th June with my family. Now, after coming back from Miri on 21 June, I have to go to Singapore on 26th June. What an experience. Now, I have to do my passport which cost RM 300. I probably am going to do it in Kajang. I spoke with my mom that I have a second thought about going to Singapore, but she said that I better discuss with my dad. I told her that I am not going to Singapore if Shafiq is not coming. Shafiq told me that he will discuss with Kak Yasmeen whether she can adjust his schedule.
Now, another twist reemerged. We are not flying to Singapore, but driving to Singapore. How fascinating is that. Who is going to drive? Me. James and Kak Yasmeen could not drive. James called my dad to get my dad approval for me to go to Singapore after I told him that I undecided whether I want to go or not. He desperately wants me to go there with him. My dad said that I will go and he wants me to travel and experience something new and so on. He hates me that I always hang out in my house far too long and probably scare that I will become Hikikamori. I think. ‘Putera Lilin’ he calls me. However, he questioned James as to why he wants to go to Singapore by plane. James told him that the Air Asia has this “0 Fares” thing that you do not need to pay for the fare but you only have to pay the airport tax and so on. But, he said that still cost RM 300 or something. Why not I drive them to Singapore? Thanks DAD. I called my dad and he said just go and have some fun. Oh well. I definitely going to miss Nina because when you are in Singapore, text message and call is expensive. Huhuhu. I want to go with her.

Friday, May 29, 2009

Terminator should be terminate!!!

Terminator sucks. I was hoping it will be good and it has final ending of the trilogy. Before I watched the movie, the trailer was awesome and definitely makes you wants to see it. But as I watched the movie, it was so so. Quite regret watching it. Some of the part of the story is not relevant and not connected that seems the director want to skip or finished the movie quickly. The visual effects are quite impressive but the plot and e value were not to my standard. It was 50/50 for me.

Luckily, my brother and I watched “Monsters Versus Alien” after the show and it was a remedy for our dissatisfaction watching “Terminator”. Just now, khalifa sms me whether i want to join him watch Terminator. I said 'it suck'.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Don't Resist

Why some people believe that they live in this Earth just to be suffered? Why do they blame God if certain things are not turned out what they expect to be? I have been thinking about this since reading a few blogs relating how miserable their lives are. After reading, analyzing and evaluating based on what they had posted, I believe that the cause of this kind of beliefs or thinking is due to resist the unexpected and unpleasant event.
When something bad happen to them or the outcome is as they expected, they resist it. They will become defensive and try to resist the outcome. The problem is it already happened. How can you resist or not accepting it when it already happen? In Islam, there is Rukun Iman. In this Rukun Iman, there is this believe in Qada dan qadar. This is what it said about Qada and Qadar in Malay language. (I am tired of translating or summarize it in English. Remind me of GHAZLY dreadful translation class.)

Percaya kepada qada dan qadar adalah mempercayai bahawa segala yang berlaku adalah ketentuan Allah semata-mata.
Sebagai seorang Islam wajiblah kita sedar bahawa kita adalah makluk yang lemah, bahawa Allah itulah yang maha Perkasa dan maha Berkuasa dan segala sesuatu adalah berlaku dengan ketetapanNya sahaja. Lantaran itu kita wajib beriman kepada takdir, bahawa segala sesuatu telah ditentukan oleh Allah.
Walaupun begitu kita masih boleh berusaha dan berdoa kerana dengan limpah rahmatnya, Allah mampu mengubah takdir kita.

When you resist something, you create certain emotion of dissatisfaction, you feel weak and despair. In other word, you create pain inside yourself. This pain if you take it to seriously will shaped your perception about the world and life. Once the pain has taken you over, you want more pain. You become a victim or a perpetrator. You want to inflict pain or you want to suffer pain or both. There isn’t really much difference between the two. You are not conscious of this, of course and will vehemently claim that you do not want pain. But look closely and you will find that your thinking and behavior are designed to keep pain going, for yourself and others.

I believe, to avoid from becoming like this, is to accept whatever happen. You have no control of your life and can’t control your fate. It is up to God to determine the course of your life. What these people should do right now is accept whatever unpleasant or unexpected predicament that they face, stop clinging the past and enjoy the process of living. Because, when you die and still the same mindset and behavior, you will realize how ignorant you are and you feel regret for not accepting and enjoying life.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

KL Book Fair and Linguaphone

Crowded. Not worth my time coming there. Many people came here and most of them were school children. As I rode the escalator, I overheard someone talking that they need to get a booth near to the entrance door. Easy to attract customers and money will flow. One of them said that it is difficult to get booth near the entrance because everybody want it. The other guy said “if I were you, I can get the booth just like that. You people pikir macam ni, macam mana nak jadi.” I do not why they were able to talk business so loud in front of public. I consider this as unprofessional. To me, loss and profit of your business shouldn’t be discussed where there are too many people. Probably today is the last day of the book fair and business is not going well. They were so frustrated that they wanted to express it to everyone.

We were at the wrong floor. We went down and separated. I was looking for language course which I know it is somewhere in that building. Usually they have language course such as Linguaphone at the Book Fair. I want to learn Mandarin which will help me in becoming bilingual and useful for me (Actually I am jealous of my brother who can speak Mandarin and he is improving). I found the Linguaphone booth and one of the promoters approached me. She asked me whether I want to improve my English. I said no but looking for Mandarin course. The girl was surprised. She still persuaded me to learn English but I rejected her offer. She asked me to sit down inside the booth and we had this conference. She explained to me about the course and the payment. When she told me about the price, I was fucking shock. The program came with CDs, textbook and so on was RM 2878 after discount. You can pay every month. You can get the language kit on the spot if you pay RM 50 and pay the rest every month. When I heard the price, I was ready to leave the premise. But I had to stay cool. Need to act a bit. I told that girl I am going to discuss with my parent first. I cannot make a decision right now. Then, a guy came to our table. I guessed he overheard our discussion and know I am about to leave. He tried to persuade me to buy the kit and tried poking with my pride that I am old enough to make decision myself. He also recommended me to buy the English language kit. I told him I do not need it. He asked where I am studying right know. I told him. He said that university students have a lot of problem with English language and English is important. I was so frustrated and annoyed that I began to speak English with them.

Listen here. I don’t want this English language tool kit. Right now I am taking TESL course. I am going to be English teacher soon. What on Earth do I need English language tool kit if I am learning English and learning how to teach English language to my students? What I want right now is to learn Mandarin. If I want to improve my English, I better go to British Council.

Everybody was fucking shock. So I continued.

Now, you said that I can make my own decision. Yes, you are right. I can make my own decision. However, the problem is my parent is going to sponsor for my language course. I need to discuss with them. They want to know what best for their son. If I make a wrong move, I am dead.

The guy could not say anything. They thought I was stupid Malay, who could not speak English very well due to my clothes and using Malay language when conversed with them. My clothes were very sempoi. Even my brother scolded me many time about my clothes. I remember he said “You are university student, you are a thinker and you are going to become a teacher. Wear proper clothes, PLEEEASE!”

I like to wear like this. It creates an illusion. I like seeing other people faces when I show them the real me. Hehehe. I told the girl that I need to leave and discuss with my parent. So, I left the booth and looked for my mom. I told them about the Linguaphone and they thought it is a scam and that the language kit cost more than a thousand. Back home, I look in the internet on learning Mandarin. Accidentally, I found a website on French language. The best part is, you can download mp3 for pronunciation. How helpful the Internet is.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

No Place to Practice

There is no space to do it. If I want to practice Wing Chun, I don’t want people to look at me. It is embarrassing. The kicking part is hard. Need to balance some more. My butt is heavy. Huhuhuhu. Where is my Dawn of War CD?

Discard Your Ego For Your Love One

There are always up and down in a relationship especially in boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Arguments, misunderstanding, treatments and even small stuffs (women are very particular in these tiny details) can cause downfall and predicament in a relationship. However, one thing that I learnt from my relationship based on the conflict that I had with my partner is that you need to lower your ego. Most quarrel that other couple has is they unwilling to lower their ego and both of them think they are right. They will argue for a long time over a matter that can be considered relevant and irrelevant. To me, conflict is important. It teaches us how to be a good listener, mature in handling conflict, understand your partner and become a better person.

I believe that when you scold and make her angry, you just make her turn on her defense mode. She will never try to listen on what you are saying. Instead, she will fight back and try to win, not solving the conflict. This is because, I believe, that you just make her feel embarrass and you hit her pride. I think the best way to solve it is by lowering your ego. You need to let go of your pride and listen to what she has to say. Let her release her anger and dissatisfaction toward you. From here, you know what she is thinking and expect from you. After she has finish, I think you should apologies to her whether you are wrong or right. Then, you tell her what you think about that situation. She needs to know what you think. You can analyse whether her dissatisfaction is rationale or not and both can resolve the problem. For this part here when solving the problem, you definitely need to switch off your ego. The problem would not solve if you are not freeing yourself from your ego. I hope the girl also does the same thing. I would not say that what I am telling you here is an approach on how solve problem with your partner. The most important thing is to discard your ego and try to accept our and our partner’s weaknesses and strengths and become a better person for each other. I do not know why I want to post this kind of topic in my blog. Something is wrong with my head. Probably writing like this is like a therapy.

No Expectation. Live Freely

Everybody has certain expectation about certain things in their life. However, I prefer not to have any expectation. I have this kind of thinking or belief after reflecting my life since birth and came to a conclusion after the theatre production. Why is it that when I expect that certain thing that I do will be great turn out something that bad and when I never expect any outcome from the thing that I do whether it is good or bad turn out something meaningful and significant to me. That when I realize the evil of expectation.
When you have expectations, you have fixed ideas of how things should be that you are attached to. Expectation creates fear because you think what you desire may or may not happen. Free of expectations, you can just go with the flow of the universe and not be affected by the outcomes that you encounter. Every outcome can serve to move you towards greater realization of your desires.
When you are attached to an outcome, you expect things to happen at a certain time in a certain way. But when it does not happen at the expected time or in the expected manner, then what results is a feeling of fear. Having expectations about how your desires should manifest will produce negative feelings when your expectations are not met. That is why it is better to act on your intention without expectations about the when and how it manifests.
Fear, doubt and worry are the last things you want to experience in the process of manifesting desires. That is why the best way to create what you want is through detachment. Act on your desires with a detached involvement. You do what you are guided to do by your heart but you do not judge the rightness of your actions by the results that you get. As long as your actions are based on purpose, you have done what you were meant to do regardless of what seems to happen from it.
When the universe is in the process of working things out for the realization of your intention, there might be things that happen which make it seem as though things are not working out. It is your expectation of how things should happen that makes you think that things are not working out. But actually you are not seeing the whole picture, because what you are seeing is only a piece of the larger scheme of events where everything is really working out the way it should.
Many times we feel discouraged when things are not happening the way we want them to happen. We might even lose hope thinking that it’s not meant to be, and even give up pursuing it altogether because our actions are in vain. But we do not realize that we are right in the process of it all coming to pass, and we turn away when we are closer than we ever were before. Let go of expectations so that you can surrender to the process and let the outcome fall in place in the right way at the right time.
When we do not know how things will really turn out, we have to trust. There is no need for hope when we already know how the outcome will be like. Hope is confident expectation of good. The only expectation you need is the expectation that everything is happening for good and not evil in your life. You can expect good no matter what the outcome seems to be.
The best way to live life is to be like a little child, having no cares and expectations. You are just doing what brings you joy and expressing yourself fearlessly in every moment. You completely accept yourself and whatever is happening without judgment. You are trusting that you are always provided for and there is nothing that is stopping you from attaining all that you truly desire. You are free to live fully in the moment without worrying about the future.
Live with an attitude of no expectations and you will experience more freedom than you can imagine. Failure does not stop you anymore because it doesn’t exist in your perception. You can keep doing what you believe in simply because you are not expecting a particular outcome but you are just expressing the truth that is in you. You are able to let go of anything negative and nothing holds you back from going on in the direction of your desires.
When you hold no expectations, you are committing the outcome. You can always experience much more from a place of no expectations than from having expectations because the universe is able to do above and beyond all that you can ask and even think of. Leave the outcome in the hands of the universe, while you continue acting on your desires. Surrender to the process and know that good things come to you when you least expect them.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Me, Oedipus and Icarus

I learn an important theme or message when I studied Oedipus Rex and that is to accept any predicament, changes and fate in our life and continue living. Although Oedipus is portrayed as ignorant and rage character, he became like that due to his eagerness to escape from his fate. I think everybody will do the same thing if their in the same position. But one thing that we can learn from Oedipus is to accept it. It is not his fault that he was abandoned, murdered his father and fuck his mother. It is already planned by God. So, if any predicament or you are facing certain downfall, just say ‘Shit happen’. If you a bold enough, you can pin point to the LORD. Because you cannot control your destiny. The Almighty control you. You can plan but you cannot go against with the LORD. So why bother of planning and running? Just enjoy life. Be Icarus, make mistake and died happily (I guess he dies happily). Even though his father cry and regret of building the wing, I assume deep down in Icarus heart and mind he would say, ‘That was fun. Let do it again.’ Who give a fuck what other people say? We, human, should make mistake. That how we learn to improve ourselves and become a better being. Nobody is perfect.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Novelty in Life

I need a novelty in my life. Every day is the same old routine of downloading anime, manga and video from internet that I feel how boring, dull and insignificant my life is. I need something that is challenging. Something that I can be proud of accomplishes. Well, luckily I just complete downloaded all the video on Wing Chun lesson that I can learn and train by myself. I am going to give these videos to Kei and hopefully in IPTI we could train together. But still, I need something new. Something that can improve my ability as a human being. Something that can make me realize how important my existent and life is. Well, I have Nina. So, I do have something to protect and care for that will make my existent more important. I have something worth living and Nina, my family and my passion are one of them.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Tag Me???? Darn it!

Because of you, Kei, I create this blog. Thanks man. Well, let’s get started. Is it good to do this thing? It is like opening a Pandora box. Oh well. We ‘HUMAN’ can’t escape from making mistakes and forget anyway. Here I go.

Your instructions:
Once you've been tagged, you have to write a post with sixteen random things, habits or goals about you.
At the end, select a few people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them.
Don't forget to leave a comment (''You're tagged!'') and to read your blog.
You can't tag the person who tagged you.
Since you can't tag me, let me know when you've posted your blog, so I can see your weirdness.

1. Sometimes I regret taking teaching course because I never want to be a teacher. Always bad mouthed my teachers. Now, it is a curse upon me.
2. I have this liking towards older women (not more than 5 years than me).
3. I prefer learn something by myself than being forced to learn.
4. When I was 12, I was possessed (rasuk) by supernatural thing (thank to my late grandmother).
5. I had my first kiss when I was standard 1 in Australia. (French kiss more exactly)
6. My goal is not to have a goal and expectation. Life is unpredictable and short. Shit happens. Play more.
7. Sometimes I view this life like the movie ‘Matrix’. Everything is an illusion.
8. My nails are short. According to Mastika, those who has short nails, they have difficulty learning easy stuff but able to comprehend hard stuff. It is true. That sucks.
9. Since 2005, my family and I never go back to kampong and see my relatives. KL is fun during raya day.
10. I don’t know how to wear kain pelikat.
11. I am jealous and proud of my dad. I wish I could experience what he experienced (go to England and study in Sandhurst (among top 5 students there), go all around the world, a commando, kill and go to war etc)
12. I am jealous of my brother, Shafiq (got looks, witty, salary averages 3K a month, hang out with hot babes, don’t need to study)
13. Shafiq is jealous of me (got real friends, able to study, have a lot of free time, has a gf, etc)
14. I am a Heretic. That what people call me.
15. My favourite people that I like to be enlighten and consult with: my dad, Khalis and Nina.
16. I can’t stop thinking. I got this habit from my dad. Khalis, HELLLLLLP!!!!!!

So who's next?
To all B.Ed Tesl Cohort 3 who has a blog, DO IT!
(Except those who already done it)